


Lamaze Class

by Banner4Hetalia



Series: Deadpool's Many Moments [3]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Colossus is a good friend, Peter really should stop leaving Wade alone, Poor Colossus, Wade Wilson Being an Asshole, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall, Wade has a temper tantrum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 18:33:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18834346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Banner4Hetalia/pseuds/Banner4Hetalia
Summary: Wade goes to his Lamaze class and shenanigans occur





	Lamaze Class

Lamaze Class

It was official, the world was ending.

“BUT WHY!!!” Well at least according to Wade it was.“Wade, it's just for a couple of hours.” “But Baby boy-!” “Wade, It's gonna be okay.” “ It'll NEVER be okay! You wanna leave me in my time of need! What if something happens? Like I go into labor or what if Dopinder wants to come by and talk? Then what Peter?” 

You may be wondering why Wade is acting like he is, wait actually you probably don't as this is Wade Wilson, he acts like this over ...well anything. Well to answer your non-existent question, Wade was upset because Peter couldn't take him to his Lamaze class and thus the melt-down.

“Wade I promised my dad that I'd come over and help him test his new inventions. How about you call your friend Colossus?” And with that our kinda friendly neighborhood Spider man left.

“You know what, that sounds like a great idea. It's been awhile since I've seen Russia's greatest love machine.” With that Wade proceeded to call his friend and ask.

This probably won't end well y'all.

“You're so right author.”

~Time skips~

“Privet Wade. I am glad that you called.” “ Yeah Yeah chrome dome, can you help me get through these two hours of hell.” “ Wade you know you must do this, for your child.” “Pretty sure I could just do those underwater birth things, it could be like a slide-n-slide for them!” 

Colossus just shook his head at his friend, he knew Wade could be ...extra sometimes, actually Wade was extra all the time.

I dare you to prove me wrong.

“Let's get this done!” Wade patted Colossus's ass as he walked in to what would hopefully be a calm Lamaze class.

Lemme think about that, nope, you're kinda screwed dude.

It was fine for the first five minutes, everything was calm, Wade was semi-sorta, not really listening to the teacher and then it went downhill.

It started after the teacher told everyone to get into position.  
“Alright chrome dome, get down there and get to business!” Wade was spreading his legs quite far apart as Colossus got down on his knees to help Wade 'get into position'. “You know, this position kinda reminds me of how this little one was actually conceived.” Wade was now reminiscing about things no one should know as Colossus was questioning his life choices about coming here. 

“Wade please focus, you will need to know what to do when time comes for delivery.”

“ I'll be fine.” Wade was convinced that this would be the easiest thing in the world. He's killed many people, survived several messed up situations, how hard could it be to deliver a child?

That poor, unsuspecting stupid man.

“Wade, language.” “Or what Captain? Gonna lecture me?” 

“Okay, mothers, now when the baby comes out, their head will be the size of a grapefruit.” “The fuck did she just say? Fuck this shit I'm out.” Wade was trying to get up to leave, but being 8 months pregnant really stops someone from leaping up and leaving.

“Author, I swear don't you fuckin turtle me damn it! Now I know how our turtle Mr. T feels when I feed him those chimichangas.” “I think that you should not be feeding turtle chimichangas.” “I think that you should be supporting me in my time of need, you giant metallic dildo!” 

“Okay everyone get ready, we're gonna discuss what's gonna be happening when you give birth to your little miracles!” I have a feeling this won't end well.

“Chrome dome, it's coming!” Called it. “Wait, what.” Something's coming, commie stapler, get your ass in gear!” “Wade, don't push!” “Quit Stalin! Lenin me finish!” Colossus stared very disprovingly at Wade for those jokes. It got to the point where other people were trying to help Wade out when suddenly.

~~POOOF~~

“Whoa, been holding that one in for a while, ah well, better out then in right?” Colossus pinched his nose, Wade was once again, testing his patience. “Wade, please, control yourself, try to act mature, you will be a mother soon.” 

“Excuse me, Iron dildo, I think you need to mind your own business.” “Wade, I'm just trying to help.”  
“Well, here's what I think of your help.” Wade has somehow gotten up and grabbed a fake baby and proceeded to hit Colossus with it. “Wade! Stop this!” “What are they gonna do, throw us out?”

Turns out you can be thrown out of a Lamaze class, who knew?

After Colossus dropped Wade off back at his and Peter's apartment, he informed Peter what happened and asked him that he be the last person ever to ever take Wade back to a place like that again.


End file.
